Altar Banter
by MichyGeary
Summary: Ric/Alexis. Response to fic challenge: Ric and Alexis get hitched. And the citizens of Port Chuckles have a mouthful to say about it. This is a complete two parter. Check out the sequel, Entropy.
1. Part One

Okee!! YAY for spacing out in Trig and Latin!! Here's the product ) sigh This was a fun one -D Hope you like it!! If you do, there are TONS of these stories at The Reckless Entanglement board (In the "Stenogropher Notes" section, the link is in my profile.) This story was a "Fic Challenge" -- write about their wedding.  
  
**Part One**  
  
They wanted to make a statement. They couldn't afford for a single person in town to doubt that this marriage was real. They had invited everyone in Port Charles. And every single one of them was in attendance. No one could believe that the uptight DA and the feisty (but "romance challenged") defense attorney, more often than not the opposing counsel, were getting married. Save a few rare exceptions, not any one of them supported it, really. But they all came anyway, just to see it with their own eyes.  
  
Emily had spent all morning helping Alexis with her hair and make up. She didn't see why she needed to dress up for an occasion that she was bitterly dreading and already bitterly regretting. But it was so fake, it'd fit in perfectly with everything else.  
  
Kristina danced cheerfully down the aisle, but leaving many rose petals behind. She saved them all for the end, where she sat on the floor at Ric's feet and pulled out the rose petals one by one. She held each one close to her face, amazed by the vibrant color. Ric grinned down at her, and suddenly the music changed to "Here Comes the Bride." Everyone turned to look at the door, more just to see if Alexis would actually show up on cue. When she blew them all away by actually appearing, they all immediately stood.  
  
She walked down the aisle way too fast; faster than what was normally accepted. Ric feared that it would be way too obvious that she wanted to get this ceremony over with as soon as possible. But everyone knew how neurotic Alexis was by nature, so it didn't seem so unusual for her to be so "over zealous".  
  
The song wasn't even half over yet by the time Alexis reached the altar. There was an uncomfortable silence amongst the audience as they sat down and as the song carried on even though the Bride Had Already Come.  
  
The organ player looked over at Ric, unsure. Ric moved his index finger swiftly across his throat, and the music promptly stopped, leaving the room eerily silent. Ric surveyed Alexis' attire and shook his head. She saw him out of the corner of her eye and turned her head to stare at him with furious eyes.  
  
"_What?_" she demanded quietly through gritted teeth.  
  
"Oh, nothing," he said innocently. "I didn't say anything."  
  
"You didn't have to. You're whole demeanor is agitating me, and that usually means that you have something obnoxious to say to me, so out with it."  
  
Several people shifted uncomfortably in their seats. It was going to be a long ceremony. 


	2. Part Two

**Part Two**   
  
"Look, it's not a big deal," Ric said calmly. "I just thought you'd go along with the tradition."   
  
"Excuse me?"   
  
"You know, the whole 'something old, new, borrowed, blue.'" He looked down again at her plain white elegant dress and lack of jewelry or other decorations.   
  
"What? You've _got_ to be kidding me. Who does that? Nobody _actually_ does that."   
  
"What are you talking about? Everybody does that."   
  
"Not me. I don't do tradition. And I don't do blue."   
  
"You sure? That's a shame. You could do that color a world of good."   
  
Heat rushed to Alexis' cheeks, and she turned quickly away from Ric. She decided to pay very close attention to the wrinkle in the middle of the priest's forehead. Ric chuckled and nodded his permission to the priest, who was looking at him with uncertainty. The priest cleared his throat importantly and looked down solemnly at his bible.   
  
"'Dearly beloved...'" he began.   
  
"Beloved?" Ric whispered, leaning in towards Alexis, quietly enough so that only she could hear him. "I don't 'belove' anyone. I don't even particularly care for any of these people –"   
  
"Shh!" Alexis hissed at him, now looking at the top of the priest's bald head as he looked down and read from the bible. "I want to hear the ceremony."   
  
Ric looked quite taken aback. "You want to –!? I thought you hated weddings."   
  
"Well, I never made it to the end of a wedding ceremony before. And this time, I'd like to."   
  
"I thought you said you were married to Jax?"   
  
"Well, that didn't count. We didn't have a formal ceremony."   
  
"Oh, I see. You wanted your marriage to _me_ to be special."   
  
Her eyes darted over at his, blazing with sudden anger. "Why are you making this about you? This is not about you. This is about Kristina and her best interests. Why do you have to make everything about you?"   
  
"I am doing no such thing –"   
  
"You most definitely are –"   
  
"All I said was –"   
  
"You can't stand to think –"   
  
"That this was your first real marriage –"   
  
"That something might be about someone other than you –"   
  
"And that it happened to be with me –"   
  
"What do you mean 'real marriage'!?" she whispered harshly, interrupting herself.  
"Nothing about this is 'real'."   
  
"Oh, sweetie, surely your love for me is real, isn't it?"   
  
"Are you hearing what I'm saying? This is about Kristina! She is the reason, and the _only_ reason, that I agreed to this eternal damnation!"   
  
"AHEM!"   
  
Ric and Alexis both quickly turned from each other and faced the priest. They had been so wrapped up in their arguing that they didn't even notice that he had looked up from his bible after he stopped reading. Alexis and Ric both hoped to God that neither the priest nor anyone else present had heart the specifics of their whispered conversation.   
  
"Are you two quite done?" he demanded.   
  
Alexis blushed in embarrassment. "Yes, I apologize."   
  
The priest grunted a sigh. "All right, now where was I? What am I asking you for? You weren't even paying attention." He looked back down at the bible in the palm of his hands as his eyes scanned over the text, trying to relocate his place. Ned chuckled from the front row as Alexis shuffled her feet uncomfortably.   
  
"Can you believe this?" Edward muttered to Ned. "Do you think they'll actually go through with this?"   
  
"Oh, I'm sure they will," he said sighing with amusement. "I just came for the entertainment. I want to see how it all plays out."   
  
"Ah, here we go," the priest began again. "'The bond of matrimony is sacred. Therefore, it should not be entered into lightly or ill-advisedly, but rather with one's whole heart and soul.'"   
  
"Gee, I hope they're taking notes," Tracy mumbled to Edward, who quickly silenced her with an abrupt nudge in the rib cage. "Ow! That hurt, you old fool!"   
  
"'Husband and wife may give to each other lifelong companionship, help, and comfort, both in prosperity and in adversity...'"   
  
Ric reached out to hold Alexis' hand and she immediately pulled it back. "What do you think you're doing?" she whispered harshly.   
  
"I'm holding your hand," he said calmly and quietly. "People generally do that to show affection, and we're kind of getting married here."   
  
"I think getting married is showing affection enough. You don't have to push it. I prefer not to be sick to my stomach on my wedding day."   
  
"Alexis, what is the big deal if I hold your hand?"   
  
"I just don't think it's necessary."   
  
"You need to relax a little bit. I hope you're not as nervous on our wedding night as you are on our wedding day."   
  
"WILL YOU TWO PUT A SOCK IN IT!?" the poor priest cried. "My god! You two fight with each other like you're –" He stopped short, shaking his head. "Ok, you know what? Let's move this along. I assume neither of you wrote vows to each other?" There was a significant silence, and then the priest said, "You know what? Even if you did, I don't think I'd want to hear them. You can't possibly have anything nice to say to each other."   
  
"Oh, that's not true," Ric said sadly as he put his arm around Alexis' waist and tugged her to his side; an action that startled her so much that she stomped angrily on his toes. He flinched, but he acted like it didn't happen. "We're deeply in love, aren't we, punkin?"   
  
"So then you _do_ have your own vows?" the priest asked, raising a skeptical eyebrow.   
  
"Well... no," Ric admitted. "We'll save our private vows for later tonight," he said winking at Alexis, who winced. The priest, obviously wishing he hadn't heard that, pretended that he didn't. Ric and Alexis turned towards each other, and she didn't pull away this time when he reached for both of her hands with each of his.   
  
"Richard Lansing, do you take this woman to be your lawfully wedded wife, to have and to hold, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?"   
  
"Yeah, but how long can we expect _that_ to be?" Mac whispered to Felicia.   
  
"I sure do," Ric said as he smiled at Alexis.   
  
"Ok. And do you, Alexis Davidovich –"   
  
"You know, Davis is fine," she interrupted.   
  
"Ok," the priest said patiently. "Do you Alexis _Davis_," he began again, and paused to look at Alexis, who nodded. "Do you take this man to be your lawfully wedded husband, to have and to hold, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse, in sickness and in health, as long as you both shall live?"   
  
Alexis opened her mouth to speak, but no words came out. Her insides fluttered uneasily as she stood in the spotlight, not a pair of eyes present was turned away from her. "I – uh – um –" she stammered. Ric's stomach muscles tightened fearfully into a most uncomfortable knot. She couldn't do it. He looked worriedly over at Sonny and Carly a few rows from the front. Sonny grinned wickedly, and Carly was shaking her head, smirking. Ric turned back to face Alexis, his eyes darting back and forth between her own, searching, pleading for her to go on.   
  
"See, I knew she wouldn't go through with it," Tracy mumbled under her breath, more to herself than to anyone else.   
  
"Would you shut your trap?" Monica snapped from the row behind. Tracy's jaw dropped and she fell silent.   
  
Alexis looked out at all the stares that burned into her. "I..." Her eyes suddenly found themselves falling downward and landing on the beautiful little girl on the floor, who was busy carefully balancing rose petals on the tip of her nose and watching in awe as they fell and fluttered to the ground. "I do," she said promptly. Ric released all the breath he had unconsciously been holding in.   
  
"Well, at least they agree on something," Jax whispered to Courtney, who giggled in agreement.   
  
"Do you have the rings?" the priest asked almost fearfully. Ric pulled out two simple yet elegant gold wedding bands from the inside of his jacket and handed one to Alexis. They each took turns placing the promise of devotion on each other's fingers. Alexis swallowed with difficulty as his hands lingered on hers for a moment.   
  
"By the power vested in me, and by the state of New York, I now pronounce you husband and wife. You may kiss your bride."   
  
Ric and Alexis looked back at each other and Ric squeezed her hands affectionately in his. "Smile for the camera."   
  
"Let's just get this over with," she muttered. He let a grin creep across his face as he leaned in to kiss her. At first, their bodies touched only at the palms of their hands and the lips. But then Ric moved his hands up to her hips and pulled her nearer to him, and she let her own hands wander up to his face. Her arms enveloped his neck to pull herself closer to him. The priest cleared his throat, but Ric and Alexis still didn't break away.   
  
"Um, I present to you Mr. And Mrs. Richard Lansing," he said, almost as a question.   
  
To say that the applause was scattered would be a grave overstatement. No one was entirely sure of what to do.   
  
"Um, you guys can come up for air now," Ned said as he leaned over the banister in front of him. But their kisses only got more passionate as they got more lost in each other and less concerned with everyone watching them. Ned chuckled again and sat back in his seat.   
  
"Oh, that's disgusting!" Tracy cried quietly. "We don't have to watch this, do we?"   
  
"Put a sock in it, mother," Ned grumbled.   
  
Sonny and Carly were already out the door, followed closely by Elizabeth and Lucky. The other people hesitantly began to follow suit, not really sure when was an appropriate time to leave. But one by one they all took their turn to exit, all stealing one final disbelieving glance at the newly weds. 


End file.
